Creative Imperative

Pork with pineapple and ginger

2009-11-27T18:06:03Z

Tonight's surprisingly successful cooking experiment came courtesy of the Guardian food blog. There was an article there today ranting about over-use of cinnamon. Apparently Americans put it in everything and the author has a problem with that :-) Anyhow, said article linked to a couple of recipes to make the point, and one of them looked really interesting. Except it called for jalepenos which I hate and included something else which I didn't even know what it was. And the measurements were all whacky; I know American measurements don't match what we use in the UK but even taking that into account I couldn't make complete sense of it. So I printed the recipe off and headed to the supermarket, sort of adapting it on the fly.

Here's what I ended up with:

Ingredients:

4 pork loin chops
4 spring onions, thinly sliced
2 sticks celery, chopped
1 red pepper, sliced julienne
a chunk of fresh root ginger (about the size of a small egg), finely chopped
1 small tin pineapple chunks inc. the juice
about half a glass of dry white wine
(for a wine subsitute you want something with a sour-ish taste, maybe cranberry juice would work)
fresh flat-leaf parsley, chopped (to taste, but don't overdo it)
a sprinkling of cinnamon powder (again, to taste - I used about 1/4 teaspoon)
a pinch of chilli powder
butter for frying
salt and pepper

How-to:

Season the pork chops with salt and pepper, then fry them in butter (medium heat, about 3 mins each side). Remove from the pan (leaving all the juices behind) and keep warm while you cook the rest.

Add the spring onions, celery and red pepper to the pan with a bit more butter. Fry on medium heat for about 3 minutes.

Add everything else (pineapple chunks, pineapple juice, wine, cinnamon, chilli) and bring to the boil. Once it's boiling away turn the heat down to low and simmer until the liquid is reduced by about half. It took about ten minutes for me.

Spoon the mixture over the pork. Serve with green veg and mashed potato.

Scrummy!

Notes:

I thought it was going to be too sweet, but the ginger and chilli offset the pineapple nicely. It's still sweet, but rich-sweet, not icky-sweet.

I guess if you're a chilli fan (unlike me) you could skip the chilli powder and substitute one or two fresh chillis, finely chopped.

Crossposted from my Dreamwidth journal. comments at Dreamwidth.

Sharing a couple of links

2009-11-27T09:35:30Z

A couple of great articles in this morning's press.

In The Independent, Johann Hari on 'sympathetic' portrayals of sexual abusers in fiction. He's talking mostly about child abuse and Alan Bennett's plays, but his point applies more generally, too...and is a damn good point that can't be made often enough. (Content may be triggering - and the comments are okay right now but probably won't stay that way.)

And on a similar note, in The Guardian, Patrick Stewart writes about living with domestic abuse. Yes, that Patrick Stewart. He's done a lot of work in this area, so some may be familiar with his story, but the article is painfully honest and damned brave. (Again, content may be triggering for some.)

Crossposted from my Dreamwidth journal. comments at Dreamwidth.

Misc stuff

2009-11-23T19:05:34Z

Memorabilia was fun, as usual. I spent way too much this time, even though the one thing I'd been hoping to find, I didn't. But money well spent: Christmas gifts for two friends, more pics for my slash wall and more Supernatural autographs. Probably my last Supernatural autographs, as I won't be going to Asylum 4 or 5 (unless by some miracle they book JDM. But I don't see that happening). But there's a little unsigned space left on my box set, should a company capable of organising a piss-up in a brewery start running SPN cons in the UK.

Oh, but even more fun than Memorabilia was the German market in Birmingham city centre. I went exploring there with ynys_crodden on Friday. It was huge with some fantastic stalls and boy if I hadn't been travelling by coach I could have spent a fortune there, too. Those hats! And puzzles! And food. Lots and lots of food. But coach does rather limit what you can carry :( There were these chocolate-covered marshmallow thingies that...oh, boy. Very rich but so very tasty!

George's funeral is tomorrow. Sis, Mum and the UselessFiance^(TM) are all going. I am staying home to work on my Yuletide assignment and dog-sit overnight. I will take advantage of having the kitchen to myself and I'm going to make lemon-roast chicken and maybe some shortbread if I've got enough sugar.

Weather is crap, which will come as no surprise to the Brits on my flist. On the way back from Memorabilia my coach went through Monmouth and the flooding there is awful. Not in the town so much, but around it. Fortunately flooding is not a worry where I live - I'm atop a hill - but there's been a lot of damage in the surrounding areas.

Also...after Merlin on Saturday I'm kinda craving BDSM slash with Arthur as the sub...does such a thing even exist?

Crossposted from my Dreamwidth journal. comments at Dreamwidth.

Random stuff

2009-11-17T20:41:38Z

I impulsively bought a copy of BBC Good Food magazine for the Christmas recipes...boy, I'd forgotten how much I love this magazine! I am really tempted to get a subscription again. Two problems with that:

1. With the whole thing of having to battle Mum and Sis for time in the kitchen, I don't get to properly cook very often. When I do, it has to be either slow-cooker stuff or fast-to-prepare stuff, or it's not worth the hassle from them.

2. I've got three mags on subscription already, including the SPN magazine. I should really give one of those up if I'm going to get another, if only on the principle that I don't have time to read more.

*

I've enjoyed reading everyone's reaction-posts to Waters of Mars, so much so I decided to watch it. (Note: not a Who fan.) Not bad. Not fantastic, but I did enjoy it. I suspect there was stuff in there I didn't 'get' because I lack the background, but it's a huge improvement on the odd episodes I've seen. I like the whole moral dilemma thing.

Just out of curiosity...

Question: given that the Doctor travels in time, is it possible for him to meet himself? Or to visit the same time more than once? (I gather doing so is probably agains the rules, but is it possible in this 'verse?)

*

Chai latte and the company of a good friend may not fix everything, but it sure makes things better. Thanks, Mel. I really needed that :)

*

I have an actual outline for my Yuletide fic! And 250 words written. Here's hoping it continues.

*

I've been checking out Google Wave. It's in closed beta (they call it "limited preview") and I can't actually get in, but I've been reading and researching. I can imagine it being a nightmare as a social networking tool (at least for the anti-social like myself), but I think it would be a brilliant way to beta a fic. I mean, to really beta, not just proof-read. It will let you make comments or even have threaded conversations within a document; let multiple people edit the document directly; let you "replay" so you can see who changed what and change it back if needed; and when you're done you can strip out all the commentary and be left with a neat, polished document. Or, in this case, fic. Of course, both writer and beta(s) would have to be Wave users, but who doesn't use Google for something these days?

There's definitely potential for both good and evil in this one. But I still registered for an invite so I can explore further.

*

Speaking of fandom (well, I was, sort of), is it too weird that I really want this book just because it's got a vague link to my favourite detective?

*

Procrastination, thy name is Morgan. Got to read a chapter before I sleep and here I am blogging instead. *sigh*

Crossposted from my Dreamwidth journal. comments at Dreamwidth.

Round-up of me

2009-11-15T12:41:57Z

The Archive of Our Own is now in open beta! Consider this my plug for the archive. Seriously - I may have my reservations about some of the OTW projects but this one is a winner. The archive software itself has some quirks (it took me ages to get used to the tagging system) but it's very flexible and the archive is the only one out there created with fandom - all of it - in mind. Most important, we own the servers, so there's no danger of getting TOSsed out of there just for doing what fans do. Nearly all of my stories are already posted there and no matter my website problems, there they'll stay.

Anyone who wants an account there can add their name to the invitation queue, but I do have an invite to give away. Let me know if you want it - first come, first served. (Comments are screened)

Other news...2012 was fun. Incredible effects, terrible science and the lead character is...d'you remember that episode of Red Dwarf with the luck virus? That's what I was continually reminded of while watching. Because, in all seriousness, the way falling buildings and trees and tsunamis kept just missing him - they guy is officially the luckiest man in the universe. Skill and knowledge can't account for it, not in this film. In Emmerich's other disaster movies, he's always got a lead character who has a natural advantage, so it makes sense for him to survive. In this one the dude gets by on the kind of luck that is just literally unbelievable. Which is a shame, because it does take something away from the film. But it doesn't matter that much because the movie is really all about the spectacle, and on that it delivers.

I had my first meeting with my new OU tutor yesterday and oh, man is he useless! The guy can't stay on-topic for a minute. In a two-hour tutorial I learned a lot, actually, about Guardian journalists and geology and ley lines (no, I'm not kidding) but darned little about sociology. Ah, well. It's only 'till May.

Yuletide assignments are out! I got mine and it's...a little strange, actually, but I can do it. I'm gonna have to do loads of re-watching first.

Hope you all are having a great weekend!

*hides under the bed*

Crossposted from my Dreamwidth journal. comments at Dreamwidth.

Never Forget

2009-11-11T19:13:05Z

What we now call Remembrance Day began as Armistice Day - a commemoration of the end of the First World War. WW1 was one of the bloodiest conflicts in history. Though references to the 'lost generation' are slightly exaggerated, it is certainly true that the death toll was unprecedented and utterly unnecessary. To remember the dead, as a vow that we will never allow it to happen again, seems only right.

But we did let it happen again, less than 30 years later.

World War 1 was not an honourable war. Forget the blather about corners of foreign fields being forever part of England: the truth is that war was caused by the politicians of the day having a huge mine's-bigger-than-yours squabble. Translation: it was an arms race. When you let all sides stockpile weapons and rattle sabres, sooner or later someone's going to decide to use those weapons. I was taught in school that Germany was the villain in both wars, but that's not really true. If the arms race is what made war inevitable, then it wasn't Germany who started it. It was Britain when, determined not to surrender our mastery of the seas, we launched the Dreadnought.

Today, my country is once again at war, and this time I'm old enough to judge the honour of the thing for myself. And I judge my country very, very wrong. Understanding the reasons for our invasion of Afghanistan, I nonetheless find it difficult to accept the deliberate bombing of civilian targets, the open support of a corrupt regime which enacts laws to make rape legal and sentences a student to death for merely reading about human rights. The more I read about what is actually happening in that country, the more I am convinced that WE are the terrorists. I have no better word to describe what we are doing to the innocent people of that country.

What happened in Iraq is surely even worse. How can any decent person support armed forces in which women soldiers died of dehydration because they were threatened with rape - not by the enemy but by their own brothers-in-arms? How can my government ask me to respect armed forces implicated in atrocities, in torture, in sexual abuse of prisoners? And where is the honour in employing Iraqi civilians as interpreters and then abandoning them to be hunted down and murdered in their own country?

Not in my name, goddamnit!

I grew up believing that the second World War was honourable and necessary. That Hitler was evil and needed to be destroyed. But the lies we have been told since 2001 to justify the unjustifiable have me questioning even that. Don't get me wrong; I am not a holocaust denier. But I do know that history is written by the victors and having witnessed what lies history will tell about this decade, how can I believe the history of a time before I was even born?

So I will not remember the honourable dead today. I will instead remember the victims of politicians lies. I will remember the real war criminals.

Have you forgotten yet?...
For the world’s events have rumbled on since those gagged days,
Like traffic checked while at the crossing of city-ways:
And the haunted gap in your mind has filled with thoughts that flow
Like clouds in the lit heaven of life; and you’re a man reprieved to go,
Taking your peaceful share of Time, with joy to spare.

But the past is just the same - and War’s a bloody game...
Have you forgotten yet?...
Look down, and swear by the slain of the War that you’ll never forget.

Siegfried Sassoon (1919)

More Yuletide musings

2009-11-11T13:58:18Z

Yuletide

yuletide signups close tomorrow - that's a gentle nudge to anyone on my flist who's thinking of signing up and hasn't yet!

I've done mine. I ditched one of the fandoms I planned to request in favour of one that showed up on the list which I'd never thought of requesting but couldn't resist once I saw it.

I have been very cautious this year in my offerings. Last time I did Yuletide I offered everything I thought I might be able to write, and ended up with a request that, while I certainly could write it, I never would have by choice. It was okay; I wrote a fic which I think was pretty good and all that. But still, it bothered me.

So this year I've offered less, but I'm happy that whatever assignment I end up with, I'll be able to smile. There are fandoms I've offered that I kinda hope I don't get, but that's more an 'order of preference' thing.

I was planning to offer The Graveyard Book but in the end I chickened out; I certainly know the book well enough to write fanfic for it with a good prompt, but I just don't believe I could do justice to the source material. Gaiman has such a unique 'voice', it's not something I can match.

On an impulse, I did offer to write The Deverry Series, but only certain characters. I've been re-reading those books recently so it's fresh in my mind and I'm seeing a lot of fanfic potential, although I won't write novel fanfic (on principal) other than for Yuletide. I'd only want to write a particular era, though. I understand the series has finally ended - I gave up on it a while back because the rambling storyline irritated the hell out of me. But I've got all but the last (if it is the last) now, and I'll complete my collection shortly.

Oddly, given I don't write novel fanfic, almost everything I offered this year is a written source. Weird that, but I guess it's because all but one of my TV fandoms are too popular to qualify for Yuletide. I did offer a bunch of movies, though, including one I'm going to have to illegally download if I get it as an assignment, because although I've seen it, I can't write a (good) fanfic based on one viewing and the DVD won't be available legally for months. But it's a cool film and I'm gonna buy that DVD the instant it hits the shelves, so I had to offer. There's one movie I offered which, if I do get it, I'm not going to know whether to squee or panic. I guess it depends on the details of the request.

Given how uninspired I've been lately, it's weird that I'm totally excited about this!

Crossposted from my Dreamwidth journal. comments at Dreamwidth.

Evidently I suck...this is news?

2009-11-09T12:34:45Z

Some weeks ago I received what felt very much like a 'Dear John' letter from someone I used to be very close to. I cannot describe the feelings that letter inspired. I was upset and angry, but that's not all. I'm well aware that I'm half (or more than half) at fault for our drifting apart but that letter showed me just how much she doesn't get me. 'Tis a shame, because way-back, we used to be closer than sisters.

A couple of years ago, I got a Facebook account because I wanted to try out a quiz. I didn't get it under my real name and I never told anyone because I didn't ever plan to use it again. Facebook just doesn't do it for me. I'm not sure I 'get' it. But I'm comfy on LJ. But just before that letter arrived, I got an email from Facebook suggesting I should add someone with the exact same name as this friend. It wasn't an invite, it was a system mail intended to get me interested in the site.

I don't know if this person with my friend's name on Facebook is in fact my friend. I didn't check. But if it is, and she actually uses that site, I'm pissed. Because as much as I dislike facebook, I would have done it for her. At the very least, I know LJ can crosspost to facebook. That would have been a way to stay in touch that might suit us both. I communicate far better online and while she knows my LJ address and told me she reads my journal she never got an account here and hasn't once left a comment in any of my posts.

I took too long about replying. I know that, but I needed to get all those feelings straight in my head before I dared respond, or she would have gotten a rant about just how much my life sucks lately. She suggested in her letter that I use email so when I calmed down I did. Several days ago. So far, no reply. I guess that's an answer.

I have another friend who I used to see on a semi-regular basis. I haven't heard from her in more than a year. I've tried, three times to phone her, and each time she's made it clear that she didn't want to talk to me. Once she said she was ill, another time that she just had no news. All of which was probably true. I'm not much of a talker myself; I know what it's like to have nothing to say. But I figured I should take the hint and quit calling, hoping she would call me when she was ready.

Recently, she didn't call, but she finally posted again. I left a comment, explaining that I'd been worried. Guess what? No reply.

At this point, I figure that even if I shouldn't be taking this personally, maybe it's the universe trying to tell me something.

Well, screw it. I'm already alone; this won't make any frakking difference to that.

All that rather put me off the idea of celebrating my birthday this year. I'm taking the day off work, though. I think I'll go to the cinema and watch the world be destroyed in 2012...seems like that'll fit my mood.

In other news...it was weird to go and see a biopic of Keats and come out thinking It was a good film, but what's with all the poetry? But I did. Bright Star is the movie I mean. It's a really good film, slow-paced but in a good way, very emotional, it felt real in a way many costume-dramas don't. But as much as I do enjoy poetry, the quotations from Keats' work really didn't add anything to the story. I could have done without them.

Oh, gods, I need some good news! Oh, I know - Memorabilia is a week and a half away. Anyone going?

I will be there on Saturday.

Crossposted from my Dreamwidth journal. comments at Dreamwidth.

I actually LIKE Windows 7...

2009-11-02T11:37:35Z

I updated my laptop to Windows 7 over the weekend. (Yes, raynedanser I do know Windows is evil and I should be ashamed of myself.) The process was surprisingly painless; the install gives two options a 'clean' install (called 'custom' on the CD) or an upgrade which is meant to keep software and settings intact. Having done a little research I figured I should avoid the upgrade option like the plague. I have only one piece of software on the laptop that isn't free, so reinstalling everything wasn't too much of a pain. The whole thing took me about five hours and the only thing I can't find an updated driver for is my webcam, which I've used only once anyhow. No loss.

Windows 7 is way nicer than Vista! At first sight it looks identical, but that's only at first sight. Much nicer organisation, I love the themes, which change the wallpaper at regular intervals (I'm gonna have so much fun with that once I sort though my collection of walls). The new taskbar is really useful, too.

Best of all - I can delete icons from the desktop! This was Vista's most idiotic feature IMHO: when deleting a shortcut from the desktop Vista deleted the .exe as well! (Every other version of Windows has done no such thing...XP (un)helpfuly informs you that deleting shortcuts doesn't uninstall the program, but the function is historic. How moronic is it that they changed that? And didn't add a helpful message to point out that, "hey idiot-who-trusts-microshit, you're deleting stuff you don't realise with that action!" I couldn't find a way to turn that 'feature' off (grr), and I like a very clean desktop with icons only for the software I use all the time. Now with Win7's taskbar holding all my key software I have a grand total of 1 (!) icon on the desktop...and one is all I need. Much better.

And another cool feature - you can uninstall internet explorer! You can't install Win7 without it, but you can take the little imp off! So now I have Firefox and Google Chrome (for those pesky sites that require 3rd party javascript to function) and no IE.

Me happy.

(Even though I'm sure I'll burn in geek-hell for admitting it.)

Crossposted from my Dreamwidth journal. comments at Dreamwidth.

Two movies in one day

2009-10-31T20:07:36Z

I haven't done that for a while.

The first movie of the day was 9. OMG I loved it! Best movie I've seen all year. I wanted to watch it again as soon as I came out of the theatre.

It's an animated movie, but definitely not for young kids - there are parts of it the little ones will find quite horrifying. It's a post-apocalyptic story: intelligent machines have destroyed humanity. The only survivors are nine...uh, ragdolls, I guess they are. Part mechanical and part sewn together, brought to life by a scientist for reasons that don't become clear until the end. They are being hunted by the last of the machines. They're named in numbers: each has a number written on its back. 9 is the youngest and has a great curiosity...which leads to disaster.

That's just the beginning. I'm not sure if I can put into words why I loved this film so much. Partly it's the look of it - it's very steampunk, with the creatures using debris to improvise all kinds of technology. Partly it's the characters; they're kind of cliche, I guess, but it works so well! But that's not really it. I was just gripped from beginning to end. I really cared about those little raggy critters.

Because it's Halloween, I just had to see a horror movie. Actually 9 would have qualified, but I didn't know that when I planned my day. So my second film of the day was Jennifer's Body. It's a teen-horror flick, at first sight little different from a hundred other crappy teen slashers, but this one is a little different. For starters, most of the murder victims are male. I always feel at a bit of a disadvantage watching these "satire on high school" films. Since I never went to American high school I don't really understand many of the things that seem so important in those movies. What's the big deal with 'Prom'? Seems like the world's biggest waste of time to me. Uh...second biggest - Cheerleading would be the first.

But I digress. Though the story is told in flashback which does rather give away how it will end, it's all about Jennifer, the most popular girl in school who is BFF with the school nerd (literally - they have matching BFF necklaces) and is apparently doing her best to catch every STD in the book. One night she makes a move on the lead singer of a band and...well, things go very, very bad. It's implied he put something in her drink, and serious kudos to the film makers for not making it look like she somehow deserved it or brought it all on herself. Oh, she's engaging in risky behaviour, and there's certainly a sense that she's not blameless, but the guys involved are clearly the villains of the event and what happened to her is totally not her fault.

But what happened isn't the gang-rape implied by the early part of the story. I won't spoil it, just in case (though you know if you've seen the trailer), but let's just say she returned from the night a somewhat different person. And then things get bloody.

I enjoyed the film, though I think they could have made a little more effort with the effects and I have no clue what was up with that swimming pool scene. I'm pretty sure the average US high school doesn't have a pool that looks like it belongs in Labyrinth. I'm in two minds about the lesbian scene...I guess it's okay, as I thought things were pretty subtexty from the beginning, but still...I'm not sure I'm cool with it basically being a sign of evilness and insanity and it did feel a bit like it was chucked in there for the boyz. But...two minds.

Not brilliant, but definitely not bad for Halloween.

Okay...I guess that was my day. Now I'm off to burn Simon in effigy on my Samhain fire.

Happy Halloween, all!

Crossposted from my Dreamwidth journal. You can comment here or at Dreamwidth.

Yuletide around the corner

2009-10-09T17:45:45Z

Looks like things are gearing up over at yuletide. I am determined to sign up this year, especially as I've been lousy about writing new fic lately.

To judge from the 'brainstorming' post, there will be a lot of fandoms I can offer to write. Oddly, the ones I want to request are all books.

I really, really want to request fic for Ilona Andrews' Kate Daniels series. I just finished the third book and I just love Kate's world. I like the lead character, but she also has a great supporting cast. Most of all I love the way vampires "work" in that 'verse :-)

Others coming to mind right now: Kristine Kathryn Rusch - I love all her original fiction (that I've read) but I'd especially like to see fic for The Fey or the Retrieval Artist series. The Fey is darker than dark - why I love it - and RA is almost like a TV show - not a specific one, I just mean it's structured like that. Makes it easy to read.

Storm Constantine - I'd offer to write Wraeththu but I'd really like to request Burying the Shadow. Again, a very original treatment of vampires...but it's also choc-full of my own kinks.

And the obvious - Guy Gavriel Kay and Anne Bishop's Black Jewels. GGK I'd request Lions of Al Rassan but could write anything. AB...I need to figure out what kind of thing I'd request.

There's a bunch of stuff I could probably offer but am not interested in requesting - any movie on my shelves, a whole lotta books, a bunch of obscure TV shows. We'll see.

Should be fun, anyhow :)

Anyone else signing up this year?

Random stuff

2009-10-05T06:35:11Z

On Sunday I finished the last essay assignment for my first OU course. An odd assignment that - it was supposed to be done under faux-exam-conditions (i.e. timed, and without access to notes or books, though the question was supplied in advance). The doing it from memory part was easy (I don't have a photographic memory but I have a very good one); timing it, however, proved near impossible as in spite of my begging indulgence from family I was constantly interrupted. I think I was a tad ambitious in how much I wanted to get into the essay, too, and ran out of time at the end so my conclusion sucks. Still, hopefully it's good enough and I will mail it off today.

Then I have a break from study until the next course begins in November.

*

I'm a big fan of sushi. That is, the kind of sushi you can buy on the high street and eat with those tiny fake-chopsticks; I've never had a chance to try the real thing.

Over the weekend I was searching for recipe books to see if I could try making my own, and instead I discovered bento. What a fantastic idea! I found a couple of places in the UK that sell bento boxes - and it would be easy enough to improvise one anyhow - so all I need is to figure out how to make the stuff. I can improvise a lot, but there are a few Japanese ingredients I'd want to use and I don't really know anywhere locally that supplies them. It's not exactly Tesco-fayre.

*

Plan for tonight: catch up on the first episodes of Eastwick. gwendolynflight was kind enough to let me know it's safe to watch, but I put it off because I was reading Andrea Dworkin for that essay I mentioned. I figured that level of irony would be a little too much even for me.

SPN 5.04...and fire!

2009-10-02T06:20:14Z

Something is burning. No, seriously. On my walk to work I could small smoke the whole way. And it's lighter now so I can see it. But I don't see flames and I haven't heard sirens. I guess it's the fort burning, but I don't know. ETA: Ah, that explains it!

On Supernatural... am I the only one who eye-rolled during Lucifer's big speech? I mean, seriously. I wanted to toss a copy of Darwin's Origin of Species at him and say, Dude, buy a clue.

I guess that's my real problem with this whole story arc. Suspension of disbelief on things like wendigos and ghosts, even demons, I can do. But on Creation vs Evolution? Nah. Sorry. I just can't go there, and that makes the whole premise of this season...well, it's not something I can invest in.

And it really bugs me that a TV show is, in effect, trying to sell that ultimate lie.

(OTOH, Jared does look good in white *s*)

Quick movie review for thanatos_kalos because she asked: last night I saw Surrogates. I'm always wary of Bruce Willis movies especially when they require him to, you know, act. But in spite of the characteristically wooden lead, the film was better than I expected. A nice twisty plot, and they'd put some thought into what the social consequences of the tech would be. I liked it.

Weighing in...

2009-09-30T06:31:46Z

What's with everyone defending Roman Polanski all of a sudden?

Dominic Lawson in yesterday's Independent wrote one of the best articles I've seen so far on the Roman Polanski debacle. (Warning: content is triggering.)

He has quoted from the original testimony of the 13 year old girl Polanski raped; if anyone thinks there is any excuse for what he did, or any case for leniency, they should read that. I have loved many of his films but the man is scum and in any civilised society would be made to pay for his crime. But we're not all that civilised, are we?

When I read that Polanski had finally been arrested I fucking cheered. The only thing I would question is what the hell took the Swiss so long? It's not like this is the first time he's been there.

Polanski is guilty. He admitted it. That there were, or may have been, irregularities with the proceeding does not change the facts of the case. She was thirteen for crying out loud! Then he fled justice. Now he should be made to face what he has done.

My Christmas Cake recipe

2009-09-28T16:35:08Z

I promised this to krazykipper ages ago. I'm a little late with my baking this year, but as I'm making this tomorrow I figure it's time to share.

This is my recipe for Christmas fruit cake. It's very alcoholic (and therefore expensive to make if you buy the good stuff), but very, very worth it! Best time to make it is early in September, because the secret is to keep adding more alcohol every two weeks until it's time to decorate.

Cake size - this is enough for a 23cm/9inch round cake tin or a 21cm/8inch square cake tin.

Ingredients

225g butter
225g soft brown sugar
1 tablespoon black treacle
5 eggs (medium)
250g plain flour
1 teaspoon mixed spice
1 teaspoon ground nutmeg
50g ground almonds
grated rind of 1 lemon
grated rind of 1 orange
100g almonds, chopped or sliced
75g glace cherries
175g raisins
250g sultanas
350g currants
100g chopped mixed peel
2 tablespoons orange juice
Brandy (4 tablespoons to start, but you'll add more as the cake matures)

You can use rum or whiskey instead of brandy, according to your taste. I'm not keen on whiskey for this, but it is very much a matter of taste. Don't mix spirits, though. Just pick one and go with it.

You can also substitute other types of nut for the chopped or sliced almonds - walnuts, hazelnuts or brazil nuts all work well. But make sure you use plain nuts - not roasted or anything.

How to make

The night before you do the baking, mix the cherries, raisins, sultanas, currants and mixed peel together in a bowl. Add 2 tablespoons of brandy, stir well, cover the bowl and leave it to soak up the brandy overnight.

Next day:

Mix the spice, nutmeg, ground almonds and flour together and sift the lot into a bowl. Set this aside until its needed.

Add the chopped almonds to the mixed fruit that's been soaking in the brandy.

Cream the butter and sugar together until the mixture is light and fluffy. Beat in the treacle until its well mixed.

Beat in one egg, then add a few spoonfuls of the flour and spice mixture. Beat in the rest of the eggs, one at a time.

Add the fruit and nuts mixture to the flour and spice mixture. Stir, then fold this into the butter, sugar and egg mixture. Take your time with this part, add a little at a time and fold until it's well mixed before adding more.

Finally, add the orange juice and two more tablespoons of brandy.

Pour the mixture into a greased and lined cake tin.

The cake will rise during cooking so spread the mixture around to make a slight dent in the mixture in the middle of the cake.

Bake for about 3 1/2 hours at 140 centigrade (Gas 1). For a fan oven, reduce the temperature a little and wrap some newspaper or brown paper around the outside of the tin.

Check that the cake is done by inserting a metal skewer - if the skewer comes out clean, it's ready.

Leave the cake to cool in the tin for about half an hour after you take it out of the oven. Then turn it out onto a rack to cool completely.

When the cake is completely cool, wrap it in foil in such a way that the side which was the top while cooking is now the bottom, and you can open the foil easily to view the (new) top of the cake. Store it like that in an airtight tin.

Every two weeks (NOT more often than that - every 3 weeks is okay if you bake earlier than September) open the foil wrap and sprinkle two tablespoons of brandy over the cake. Then re-wrap and store.

Two weeks before Christmas, add a last sprinkling of brandy and cover with marzipan. Decorate with royal icing a week later.

Bobby in S5

2009-09-21T11:23:19Z

It says something about how stressed I am lately that one new development on SPN completely passed me by until today. I'm speaking of what's happening with Bobby, and I'll spoiler-cut the rest of this for anyone not yet up on S5. But this discussion won't be spoilery for anything but that one character.

Because Bobby is in a wheelchair. And it was implied that this may not be a temporary condition.

And the implications of this only just hit me. Oh, I've talked about the crappy writing around how it happened, and I noticed the deeper questions of blame and what it could mean for the overall arc. But I missed what is, to me, more important.

SPN fails hugely on gender and does little better on race. There has been some treatment of mental illness (albeit not openly acknowledged and generally with some supernatural cause) and on the whole SPN does that fairly well on that score. But Dean and Sam appear to operate in a universe in which physical disability does not exist.

It bothers me, because I've lived with disability all my life. I am not disabled myself; let me say that upfront. I'm lucky - my worst physical problem is my eyesight and glasses fix that beautifully. But my grandmother, with whom I lived throughout my childhood, was disabled. In her case, it was the effect of TB which she caught in her 20's. She had only about three quarters of a lung and during the surgery to extract her diseased lung her back and ribs were damaged. This left her unable to walk very far without help and she'd used a walking stick ever since the surgery. Nevertheless, she worked in a laundry and later as a shop assistant, until she retired at age 60. After she retired, it was as if her body just gave up. She was in constant pain and though she could still walk around the house, if she wanted to go out, she needed a wheelchair. Moreover, she needed someone to push the wheelchair, because she didn't have the strength to do it herself. In school holidays, that was often my job, and I got a swift education in how people in wheelchairs cease to be visible. I was just a kid, but people would ask me "Would your gran like....?" just as if she wasn't there. My mother is likely to be in a similar situation before much longer; in her case it's arthritis that will soon take away her ability to walk.

So, yeah, the refusal to acknowledge disabilities on TV, particularly a show I truly love, does trouble me. On Supernatural, even old age barely exists: to watch the show you'd get the impression that the mean average age of Americans is around 32 (the median would be even younger) and anyone making it to retirement age is either a witch or a statistical anomoly of giant-asteroid-hitting-the-earth proportions. On a show with so much potential to do something exciting with a character who is, say, blind or has a mobility impairment, it's more than disappointing that these things don't even get a passing mention. Even if it were only a person-in-need-of-rescue, it would be something. But I'm at a loss to recall a single physically disabled character on the show, except Dean's brief heart condition, which was instantly cured. [ETA: Oh, yeah, there was Pamela. Except they barely dealt with her blindness; if anything her second appearance implied that she could 'see' psychically instead.]

Until now?

I don't know. Given the show's track record I fully expect some kind of magical cure for Bobby, and for his role in the show to become much less until that happens. I want to be writing about how great it is for fans with disabilities to have a character like Bobby because how can he be anything but a positive portrayal of disability...except if there's a way to screw it up, the SPN writers will find it. But I'm not thinking so much of what canon will do with it, as what fandom might.

Bobby's initial reaction to the news that me may not walk again was very in-character: angry denial. In the second episode all we saw was anger and depression; I don't think he's past the denial part either, given his demand for a miracle. What we didn't get to see much of was how the people around him have adjusted - specifically Dean and Sam. I don't suppose we will; that's not what the show is about. Nor do I expect to see much of how Bobby copes with it. His role in SPN has always been somewhat akin to Giles' library in BTVS: he provides information to save the boys doing the work. Only rarely have we seen Bobby-the-hunter and when we have it has always been either so he can save the day without making the "real" heroes look like complete morons or so he himself can be rescued. In a narrative sense, Bobby isn't a character, he's a useful plot device.

But to us, to the fans, he's still Bobby. We get to tell the stories canon can't or won't. And I really want to see them.

I want to read the fic where Bobby built a holy water spray-gun into his wheelchair. I want to read the fic where someone's in trouble and Bobby gets there. I want to read the fic where he can still do an exorcism or kick some demon ass (just maybe not literally kick).

But I want to read the other fics, too. I want to read the one where he can't do everything and where he's hurting and can't always pick himself up from that. I want to read the one where he can't get into his own panic room in that damned chair, so he has to improvise and it doesn't work too well. I want to read the Dean/Bobby fic where they both want to pretend nothing's changed but it's hard to adjust (but they can still be together, oh, yes they can, because not being able to walk doesn't switch off a person's sexuality). I want to read the one where he can't get there in time and it all goes to hell without him. And I want to read the one where, in the end, he's still the same old gruff, cynical, awesome Bobby with a heart of gold who loves those boys like they were his own and they love him back.

And I really wish I could write some of those stories I really want to read, but just now I simply don't have the time.

There are fanfics out there that deal with disability, either temporary or permanent. Many of us like to take our heroes and put them through hell but it's different when it's canon. Or when it starts from canon. It's different when it's a beloved character but not a central character so you don't necessarily expect a magical reset button. It's different.

And I'm really excited about the possibilities.

Any recs yet?

I'm 99% sure I wasn't hallucinating

2009-09-19T16:45:05Z

I'm 99% sure I wasn't hallucinating...but I'd really like to know why there was a 8 foot-high purple handbag outside the Capitol shopping centre this morning.

Supernatural thoughts

2009-09-18T08:12:48Z

Wow, my flist is busy this morning!

Clearly, I've read too much Piers Anthony, because War's magic ring just doesn't do it for me after the Red Sword. But I'll get to that...

I guess before I squee over this week's ep, I need to explain why I hated last week's. I've only read reactions and meta on my own friends list; I plan on staying spoiler free and the only way to do that is to avoid most of the comms. But my impression is that my reaction to last week's ep is not the common one.

The episode lost me right at the beginning with its literal Deus Ex Machina opening. I do not like season-end cliffhangers in any show - I think they're a cheap shot to a loyal audience - but at least most shows use them properly. SPN has a habit of handwaving over them: the season one cliffhanger appeared to end with all three Winchesters dead; season two opened with two of them perfectly fine. Season two ended with an army escaped from Hell; S3 opened with "but it's not as bad as you thought". Season three...well, there you go.

I didn't have high hopes, therefore, for the season five opener, but I thought at least there might be something exciting to get the boys out of ground zero. But no. It was God. What crap. And just to make it perfect, this up to now canonically non-existent deity gave Sammy a supernatural detox into the bargain. Dude, that ain't a miracle, that's sloppy, sloppy writing.

Although it didn't seem entirely in-character, I freaking cheered when Bobby told Sam to lose his number. Not because he was right, but because Sam so badly needed someone to give him a speech like that, and Dean the fucking coward wasn't stepping up to the plate. Sam needed it emotionally, I mean, because he did screw up, so badly there's no apologising for it, and he knows it. For Dean to deny Sam his acknowledgement of that is denying him the possibility of atonement, and that's worse than cowardice, it's cruel.

Yeah - I'm not a fan of Dean.

So for Bobby to then turn out to be possessed robbed that moment of all its power. Not to mention - sloppy, sloppy writing. Because, seriously, Bobby? Bobby the demon expert, who laces beer with holy water and has devil's traps in his ceiling, Bobby doesn't have an anti-possession tattoo or an amulet or something? Seriously? We're supposed to believe that Bobby is that stupid? Seriously?

That's not only sloppy writing, it's insulting to every single fan of this show.

As is the continual mockery of the fanbase via Chuck and his stories. There is a huge difference between the kind of mockery that comes from affection and the kind that comes from contempt. This has always felt like the latter to me. Sure, fen can be a bit nutty. And I get that the men who run this show have no more chance of understanding the appeal of slash and wincest than I do of comprehending the offside rule. But I don't appreciate being publically mocked for being female...which is what this amounts to.

And then there was the end of the episode. Now, don't get me wrong: I'm not pissed off that Dean "broke up" with Sam. I'm not pissed off that he finally told Sam what he was thinking. I'm pissed because of Dean's reasoning. Be angry that Sam went darkside - fine. But the whole "you chose a demon instead of me" - I swear, if Dean were real, I'd be sending him hate mail for that.

Because, Dean, you left him first. You betrayed Sam in the worst way possible when you made that deal. You took away from him the only thing he'd asked of you in the whole two years he followed you around everywhere. And you didn't do it for him. You were a selfish bastard and you put Sam through hell just as much as you went through it. Except you fucking earned it; Sam didn't.

So, yeah, Sam screwed up. But he trusted Ruby because you took away the only other person on earth available for him to trust. Quit blaming Sam and take your share of the responsibility.

*takes deep breath*

I was really hoping Castiel was dead, too...though I didn't really expect it. If he were a pretty blonde, he'd be dead. He had a dick, so he gets to come back. That's how it works on this show, right? (Cynical? Me?)

Not that there wasn't stuff to like in the episode. Bobby stabbing himself? Badass! Dean as Michael's vessel...I very much like the implications of that (given that being a vessel is apparently genetic, does that mean Mary was, too? Or perhaps John? I'd go with Mary, though, given her belief in angels and it would explain the YED's attraction to her, wouldn't it...?) but I have a horrible feeling this is going to end up with Dean = God/Christ and if it does I am done with this show. Totally done.

So...on to episode 2...

Can you guess how loud I squealed when I saw Alona's name in the opening credits? Oh my Gods, I never expected that! I'd been spoiled for Ellen's appearance, but I never thought they'd bring back Jo! So there was a good chance I'd love this episode no matter how bad it turned out.

But I really enjoyed it.

I like that Bobby isn't just pefectly okay now - emotionally as well as physically. Did Zach do that to him? Because I'm a little confused as to how stabbing himself in the stomach could leave him unable to walk...I'm not a doctor, but from my knowledge of physiology that doesn't seem to quite work. But anyhow. I like consequences.

The whole thing with the amulet...man, I don't know. I liked that Dean didn't want to give it up, but he should have put up more of a fight, especially after what he said last week (sure, he said he didn't mean it, but he did). But while on one hand I'm glad to know Dean's amulet has some significance for it to be what Castiel claimed seems...I dunno. A bit too much coincidence? I mean, the amulet came from Bobby, who intended it for John. Which raises a lot of questions over who knew what and when, doesn't it? With all the talk of "destiny" last season, it just bugs me that something so very important would coincidentally be hanging around Dean's neck. I mean, isn't finding something like that supposed to be a challenge?

When they got to the town...okay, I don't usually comment on the music but that particular song choice? Certain visuals associated with it are burned into my brain from Top of the Pops on its original release...and I think you need to know about the band to really get the irony of that one. It was a freaking brilliant choice of music: it actually gave away what was happening in the town, if you were paying attention. And I was...but I didn't think, after last week, that the writers were that brilliant. Stroke of genius.

I have a slight problem with Sam's fight in the store...but maybe that was the point. I mean, he did try an exorcism first before he went for the knife, but it looked to me like he was really struggling. Which would make sense if those kids really were possessed, but seriously - Sam can't fight a pair of teenagers? Sam who, two seasons ago, overpowered half a SWAT team single-handed? I guess it ties into what Sam was saying at the end, that maybe he went for the kill when he didn't need to, but just the same...it bothers me.

But not enough to put me off. I'm not too fussed about Rufus; he's a good character, but he's not especially interesting to me. But seeing Ellen again was wonderful and seeing Jo! Hunting! Competent! All grown up and from what I could see, damned good at the job, in spite of Ellen's opinion. That almost makes up for everything I hated last week. I fucking love Jo, and I want to see her back. More! That brief acknowlegement of everything that passed between her and Dean - totally perfect. Man...see, when my show does good it does good.

(Now can we have John back, too? Pretty please with cherry on top?)

(Yeah...I know. But I won't stop hoping.)

The appearance of "War" bothers me only because I have a very different image in my head for the four horsemen (blame Piers Anthony, as I said above). But while the ring seems a tad hokey to me, I wonder if Dean wasn't far off base with his LOTR reference. I mean, whatever happened to War himself (I'm betting he ain't dead or even gone) the ring's obviously a thing of power. Are they gonna have to collect something from all four? And if so, what will the others be? And what will they have to do with them? Or maybe I've just read too much high fantasy?

As for the end...that had to happen. And I'm glad it did. I hope it's not the cue for another season of The Dean Show, because I've really had more than enough of that, but what's between the brothers is so completely broken now, I think they need to make a complete break before they can start to heal it. And they will heal. I have confidence (if only in fanfic).

Today I...

2009-09-14T20:13:59Z

...Promised someone at work I would do a thing which I later realised is impossibile. Literally. That's what I get for being known as the office tech-wizard. Actually, I could program the thing she wanted, it's just she wouldn't be able to use it if I did. So tomorrow I must admit I can't actually do anything and advise her to call the database manager instead.

...Ordered a pair of these boots. My love of platforms is verging on a fetish - a side-effect of being a short person, I guess - and though not my normal style I think these are freaking gorgeous. Here's hoping I can walk in them :-) I haven't worn shoes with closed heels for at least two years (except during last year's snow, when my boots nearly crippled me, hence my need for new ones).

...Finally tracked down an economics textbook I've been looking for second hand. I've got to order it from the US so it'll take forever to get here, but it should be worth it.

...and saw the season finale of True Blood. Not bad, though AB's habit of using the finale to set up next season is annoying as hell. I'm not a fan of cliffhangers. There's a lot more I'd like to say about this season of TB, but I'm not sure I'll be able to put my thoughts in coherent order any time soon. I'll try.

Oh, and guys: if you haven't seen Dorian Grey do add it to your must-see list.

I'm a huge fan of the original story, and though the movie isn't a faithful adaption I really did think it's quite wonderful. The older version of the film made in 1949, I think, takes the same angle as Wilde's novel: portraying Dorian as an evil villain. This movie makes him more sympathetic, exploring what his gift or curse means to him. It's kind of a cliche these days - reworking a story to humanise the monster - but in this case I think it worked very well. Ben Barnes is very pretty...and he has a gay scene! Not, unfortunately, a nude gay scene, but it's great to see a mainstream film willing to go there. Yes, it's in a negative context, but not wholly negative and this is a Wilde story. I think one of the most famous homosexuals in history would have appreciated it, especially with such a pretty actor :-)

briarwood @ 2009-09-11T07:11:00

2009-09-11T06:18:09Z

I thought I'd post a rant about all the things I hated in the SPN premiere (and it's a long list). But instead I have good news:

The prime minister today issued an apology for the treatment of Alan Turing.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/petition-prompts-no-10-apology-over-code-breaker-turing-1785527.html

Describing Mr Turing as a "quite brilliant mathematician", the Prime Minister said: "It is no exaggeration to say that, without his outstanding contribution, the history of World War Two could well have been very different. He truly was one of those individuals we can point to whose unique contribution helped to turn the tide of war.

"The debt of gratitude he is owed makes it all the more horrifying, therefore, that he was treated so inhumanely. In 1952, he was convicted of 'gross indecency' - in effect, tried for being gay. His sentence - and he was faced with the miserable choice of this or prison - was chemical castration by a series of injections of female hormones. He took his own life just two years later.

Like apologising for the slave trade, it doesn't really change anything. Turing is still dead. Even so, I am thrilled to live in a world where attitudes have changed so much that this is possible. Gordon's a lousy PM, and I daresay this is a calculated gesture but nonetheless I am very happy this morning.

Summergen recs

2009-09-08T20:16:40Z

Being a mod for summergen was exhausting. But the hardest thing was not being able to share some of the fabulous stories with my friends. I was watching all these fics pour in and sometimes a line or a summary would catch my eye and I'd just have to read it...

Like these:

Trying to get to the bar by dotfic
Mary, her parents and others of the family - in heaven. Or something. It's both funny and tragic and I simply adore John in this. And everyone...but especially John.

No Way Out But Through by yo_gert
Ava's arrival in Cold Oak. Her transformation into evil genius never seemed right to me, but this story makes it believable.

Those Who Favor Fire by marinarusalka
If canon Lucifer is like this version, I will be so happy with season five...

Neverland by mimblexwimble
Creepy as hell. That's all I'll say.

All Men Are Prophets by azewewish
Okay, I'm going to love any John Winchester fic that's even slightly well written. But this is really well written and captures him beautifully. I love the internal dialogue.

The Uilleann Ululation Undertaking by musesfool
You know, when I saw this go up as a prompt I had my fingers crossed that it would get written. Middleman crossover and I just love Dean flirting with Wendy Watson and Sam being a (really mean!) prankster.

Drive by diva5256
Tamara and her quest for revenge; I love how this tied into S4 canon. *shivers*

The one worth leaving by that_september
This is angsty and painful yet the ending made me laugh. Perfect glimpse at the growing estrangement between the boys during the Stanford years.

What I love best about summergen is the way it makes me read fics I would normally skip over. Like these:

The Mystery Maze by themaskedmckay
The last two sentences make the whole thing worth it! Priceless.

The Rapid Spin of the Wheel by smilla02
Adam-as-a-spirit...so very poignant. One of those "it should have been canon" stories.

Winchesters and other ***holes by kayto1
Constantine crossover - I'm not actually familiar with Constantine but I didn't need to be. This is gritty and rough and the ending is surprisingly subtle.

Pixy Stix by moonshayde
Simply hilarious! Sort of the SPN version of Firefly's "Our Mrs Reynolds".

Bringer of Light by twasadark
I so want this to be canon; such a small moment with Dean talking about Sam...but it means so much.

A Perfect Day by dolimir_k
Baby!Dean is so freaking cute! And John is such a great Dad!

Come Fly With Me (or, Agony at 30,000) by desertport
It took me several attempts to finish this because it's such a painful journey to take with Dean. A nice underscoring of the differences between the brothers.

Who Ya Gonna Call? by just_ruth
I do not read RPF. I just don't. Except I did and this is brilliant. "Hollywood Babylon" but with Bruce Campbell as the star of the movie. Thing is, despite his many horror movies, Bruce's most memorable role to me will always be Autolycus...and this version of him kinda reminds me of that :-)

this river's full of lost sharks by hardlygolden
Veronica Mars crossover - I like the show, but avoided the fandom and fanfic (mostly because, with no SF or supernatural element, it didn't interest me in that way). But this...mucho fun with zombies creeping around Neptune, and all the characters' voices are spot-on.

...And there are a lot of other fics I have on my must-read-soon list. So maybe look for more summergen recs from me in a few weeks time.

New TV....

2009-09-07T19:16:40Z

With several of my flist posting about upcoming TV shows, I got to wondering...

...um...is anyone on my flist planning to watch Eastwick when it premiers?

I ask because from the promos it looks like my kinda show, but I vividly remember the movie and...well, I want someone to tell me if the series is safe for me to watch.

Because I haven't been able to eat cherries ever since I saw that film! Seriously. It's weird because I can watch the goriest horror scenes without flinching but that murder-by-cherry-vomit thing just totally turned my stomach. I might have been okay if it only happened once, but...seriously, I cannot eat cherries any more.

So if there's anything like that in the series, I dare not watch. I used to like cherries!

So...is anyone thinking of checking it out?

Fic: My Family And Other...Demons

2009-09-07T19:06:40Z

Title: My Family and Other...Demons
Fandom: Supernatural
Rating: PG (Gen)
Warnings: Spoilers for season 4; pure speculation for season 5. I am spoiler-free and intend to stay that way.
Notes: Written for spn_summergen; thanks to raynedanser for the super-fast beta!

Summary: Screw the apocalypse. If you're a Winchester, family comes first.

It’s a hell of a life when you find the smell of burning gasoline and human flesh comforting.

He went out like a hunter, Dean told Sam, but they both knew that wasn’t true. Adam never even knew what was killing him. He wasn’t a hunter. Dean would be surprised if he even fought the damned thing. The flames around Adam’s body were dying down to embers as Dean watched. Sam was a silent, hulking statue beside him.

He’s a Winchester, Sam said, but that wasn’t true either, was it? Adam never had a clue what it meant to be John Winchester’s son. He thought his dad was a mechanic, the kind of guy who takes his sons to baseball games and remembers their birthdays. But what Sam called the family curse had found the kid anyway.

Eventually, Dean and Sam cleaned up the ashes as they’d done at a hundred other gravesites and returned all their gear to the Impala. As they burned out of town, Dean intended to forget they ever had another brother.

Dude, that had better be some amazing porn, Dean thought irritably as he hauled himself out of bed. It was nearly 4.30 in the morning and Sam had been tapping away at the computer all freaking night, keeping Dean awake. He walked around to where Sam sat, the motel carpet rough against his bare feet.

Instead of the latest from bustyasianbeauties.com, Dean was disappointed to see nothing but a page full of text when he leaned over Sam’s shoulder.

“Dude, are you still doin’ research?” he complained.

“I hacked into Adam’s college email account,” Sam explained.

You kept me awake all night for that? “What for?” Dean asked, in a tone meant to convey that he didn’t give a crap.

“Look at this,” Sam answered, pivoting the laptop a little to give Dean a better view. As he did, Dean caught sight of the scar on his wrist, the legacy of the ghouls that killed Adam, still not fully healed.

Dean leaned closer to the screen so he could read it. The email was from some chick, and from the look of it, she’d been emailing Adam for a while and was pissed because he hadn’t replied. Well, he couldn’t reply, Dean thought cynically, because he was dead. Then he saw the part that had gotten Sam’s panties in a knot.

...didn’t want to tell you in an email, but you won’t return my calls. I’ve decided to keep the baby, Adam. Mom’s going to help, so I can stay in school. I’d really like it if you...

Dean turned away. “It ain’t our business, Sam. Now turn that thing off. I’m tryin’ to sleep.”

The thing about an apocalypse is, it never ends.

Since Lucifer busted out, Dean had lost count of the number of exorcisms he’d done. There were demons everywhere but it was like Hell had no hold on them any more. He could send a thousand of ’em back to Hell, and the sons of bitches kept crawling back out.

Dean almost missed Sam’s demon-blood-fuelled-freaky-shit. Almost.

At least he still had Ruby’s knife.

Sam came to him one day with a cutting from a Wisconsin newspaper. Dean read it, and at first he didn’t understand. It was a simple announcement of a new baby being born. Not a hunt, not even a whisper of demons.

“Adam’s girl,” Sam reminded him.

Dean hadn’t known the girl’s name. “What do you want me to say, Sam? It’s nothing to do with us.”

“Dean, this baby is our – ”

“Nothing!” Dean interrupted. “And that kid is never going to hear the name Winchester. Better that way.”

“You’re not even a little interested?”

“No. So, where shall we go? The haunting in Florida or more demons in Nebraska?”

Despite his outward disinterest, the next time they passed a store selling them, Dean bought a small calendar that would fit in the back of Dad’s journal. He checked the news clipping Sam didn’t know he’d kept and circled two dates in the calendar: the date the baby was born and another date exactly six months later. Then he tucked both calendar and news clipping into the flap at the back of the journal.

Sam didn’t mention Adam or the baby again.

When the shit hit the fan, Dean forgot all about it, too.

Technically, it wasn’t Sam who left, this time. But it sure felt like it.

They were at a truck stop in the middle of nowhere, on their way to check out a case. The tip had come from Castiel and Sam was not happy about going. Sam was pissed every time Dean so much as mentioned Cas lately. They got into an argument over the pancakes and coffee: the same damn fight they’d been having every other day.

They were still arguing as they walked back toward the Impala and Dean just couldn’t take it any more. He thought that if Sam said one more word he was going to break his fist on Sam’s face. So he climbed into the car and tore out of there – without his brother.

He’d only gone a couple of miles before he calmed down and realised he was being an ass. He turned the car around and headed back, but when he reached the truck stop again Sam was gone.

Dean called, but when Sam finally picked up it was to tell Dean he was done following him around.

The Apocalypse doesn’t wait around just because Winchesters have...issues.

Dean didn’t know much about what Sam was doing. Sam did call sometimes, but if Dean answered the phone he’d hang up without saying anything. Eventually, Dean stopped picking up, and when he did, Sam started leaving messages on his voicemail. That was all he had of his brother.

Sometimes, Bobby picked up a rumour or two. Once, Sam sent a postcard. Enough that they knew he was still out there, and still hunting. What they didn’t know was what side he was on...or what he was really doing.

Every time Bobby mentioned a rumour, Dean wanted to drive out there, but he knew Sam would be long gone before he could get close. Besides, Sam knew where he was.

In his heart, Dean knew that this time there was no fixing it. He and Sam just weren’t the same men they used to be. Dean was fighting this fight the only way he could. Sam had no right to tell him who he should trust. It was Sam who’d trusted that demon bitch. Sam who couldn’t fucking deal.

When the stereo in his car died, Dean decided he was looking forward to the end of the world.

“You got a date I don’t know about?” Bobby asked.

The question was so totally out of left field it broke Dean’s concentration. He laid the journal on the arm of his chair. He’d been scouring he handwritten pages for anything he might have missed, any hint or clue. “I have no idea what – ” he started to tell Bobby, but broke off when he saw the crumpled calendar in Bobby’s hand.

“You dropped it out of the journal.” Bobby gave it to him. “That date’s tomorrow,” he mentioned casually.

Dean swore. Then he picked up the journal and reached for his leather coat. “I’ve got to go.”

“Whoa!” Bobby stepped into his path. “Are you forgetting a slight Apocalypse going on out there? Or the legion of demons gunning for your ass?”

Dean pulled the coat on. John’s journal slipped into its accustomed place in the coat’s inner pocket. The weight was comforting and familiar. Dean would have felt naked without it. “I haven’t forgotten,” he told Bobby. “But I’ve got to be in Wisconsin by tomorrow night.” He moved to walk past his friend.

Bobby frowned. “Boy, you sound just like your daddy. And that ain’t a compliment.”

Dean met his eyes, considering several answers, none of them good. Eventually he said simply, “This is just something I have to do, Bobby. I owe it to Dad.”

Bobby moved out of his way, muttering under his breath about idjits and Winchesters.

The drive to Wisconsin seemed to be six times as long with only the growl of the Impala’s engine for company. It’s for Dad, Dean reminded himself every time it occurred to him to turn back.

He found the house just before sunset. He double-checked the address, then headed out in search of essential supplies for the night. He bought a ton of espresso from Starbucks and a huge take-out pizza from a local place where the waitress called him “sweetheart”. Dean flirted a little while he waited for his order, but his heart wasn’t in it. Hadn’t been in it for a long time, he realised. Dean paid for the pizza, carried it back to his car and returned to the house. He parked a short distance from the house, in a position where he could watch the place without looking too much like a stalker. He settled in to wait.

Inside that house was John Winchester’s grandson. And the boy was six months old tonight.

Dean didn’t really believe the baby was in danger. Azazel was the one with a kink for kids on their six-month birthdays, and Dean put a magic bullet in that sonofabitch more than two years ago. There was no reason to expect anything to happen tonight. There would be no demon bleeding into the kid’s mouth, no fire, no mother burning on the ceiling. But Dean was absolutely certain of one thing: if his father were alive, he would be doing exactly what Dean was doing now. He would keep vigil all night outside a stranger’s home, not because he expected trouble, but because he would never forgive himself if trouble came and he wasn’t there to save a kid who was never gonna know his name.

But, damn, Dean wished the stereo was working!

By the time the coffee was gone, Dean was thoroughly bored. Yet he couldn’t take his eyes off the house. He had seen enough to know that both mother and baby were home. She seemed young to be a mom, a pretty blonde with shoulder-length hair. He’d watched her close the curtains of what he thought must be the nursery: now there was the faint glow of a night-light from inside that room and in the window below, the brighter electric light of the living room.

Dean hummed Metallica and grabbed another slice of pizza.

The Impala’s door opened and Sam slid into the seat beside him, casual as you please. He smiled at Dean. “Hey, you brought pizza! Is there coffee, too?” He reached into the box for a slice, just as if he’d never been away.

Dean batted his hand away. “Coffee’s gone. What are you doing here, Sam?”

“Same thing you are.”

It had occurred to Dean that Sam might show up. What he hadn’t been sure of was what Sam’s intentions would be if he did show. In the tiny, dark corner of his mind that maybe listened too much to Castiel, Dean was convinced he’d confront a Sam with yellow eyes, a Sam come to...to what? Did he really think Sam would...?

Dean pasted a fake grin on his face and said, “Me? I’m just here for the pizza.” He tilted the box toward Sam, offering him a share.

Sam took a slice with a tentative smile. “Dean, can we...” he pulled a face and started picking the olives off the pizza slice, avoiding Dean’s eyes, “...Can we not talk about...everything? Not now.”

Dean shrugged. “Tape deck is busted. It’ll be a long night if we ain’t gonna talk.”

Sam was still plucking olives. “Talk. Just not about that. Not yet.”

Yeah. Right. Dean pulled the hip flask out of his pocket. It was a new one, made of pure silver. He unscrewed the cap and offered it to his brother. “Whatever you want, Sam.”

Sam’s eyes narrowed as if he were suspicious of Dean’s agreement. He accepted the flask from Dean, who tensed, watching him drink from it.

Sam pulled a face as if the drink were bitter. He looked at Dean. “Holy water?”

“I had to check, Sam.”

Sam’s look darkened, a frown of anger creasing his forehead. “Is that what you think I – ?” he began, then stopped. “No. Not tonight.” Sam sighed heavily. “Go ahead, Dean. Any test you like.” His voice was steady, but Dean could hear his struggle to appear calm. There was a volcano simmering under Sam’s skin. This was the closest they’d come to a civilised conversation since before Lucifer rose. Dean didn’t want to spoil it now. Whatever else he might be, Sam was still his little brother.

Was Sam serious about Dean testing him? He seemed sincere, but short of trying an exorcism Dean had pretty much exhausted the possible tests with the silver and holy water. And even if Sam meant it, he wasn’t likely to react well if Dean started reciting Latin.

He didn’t feel quite easy about it, but Dean let it go. He looked up at the house just as the living room light went out. “Nothing’s gonna happen in there,” he said.

“I know,” Sam agreed.

“Did you check for demonic omens?”

“I did, but...” Sam shrugged, “they’re everywhere these days. It’d be weird if there weren’t any omens here. Unless...did you find something?”

“I didn’t check,” Dean confessed, feeling like he’d been caught napping on the job. “To be honest, I forgot about the date until yesterday.”

“That’s not like you.”

“Well, excuse me! I’ve been a little busy!”

Sam didn’t respond.

For a long time, they sat in silence. Between them, they finished the pizza and Dean’s whiskey. Sam asked after Bobby; Dean told him Bobby was doing fine. That pretty much exhausted the possibilities for small talk. Dean couldn’t ask Sam if he’d found himself a girl (not when his last girl was a demon whom Dean stabbed to death while Sam held her down), or if he’d seen the remake of Friday the Thirteenth yet (since that would mean pointing out they’d planned on seeing it together) or, well, anything.

Unconsciously, Dean tapped a staccato beat on the wheel with his fingers. Until Sam told him to quit, he didn’t realise he was doing it. Once he did, though, he couldn’t pass up the opportunity to annoy Sam. He was always such an easy target...and it was the first time Sam had spoken in hours.

Dean quit tapping on the wheel and started clicking with his tongue instead. Sam let him go on for three whole minutes.

“Dean. Quit it,” Sam said flatly.

Dean tried humming instead.

“Dean! For God’s sake!”

Dean grinned.

Sam glared at him with narrowed eyes. He shook his head, almost smiling. He ran his hand over the dash in front of him. “I’ve missed this car,” he volunteered, his voice soft. “I’ve been driving that beat-up Capri Bobby loaned me.”

“That thing drives like an old woman without her walker,” Dean snorted. “You couldn’t steal something better?”

“I could have,” Sam agreed. He lapsed into silence again.

Dean groped for a subject that wouldn’t end with them talking about the present, which Sam so obviously didn’t want to discuss. He ached to ask Sam what he’d been doing for the weeks – months – they’d been apart. It wasn’t so much that Dean was desperate to know, but the confession, good or bad, would let them begin to re-forge the connection between them. It could be the start of them being brothers again, and Dean wanted that more than anything.

When did it all go wrong? It was tempting to blame it on their last fight, the one that ended with Dean driving off and leaving Sam in the parking lot of some isolated truck stop. But it didn’t start with that fight, did it? The fight was old news. Sam thought Dean trusted Castiel too much, and the so-called prophecy about Dean was a crock. Dean didn’t believe it mattered: someone had to kill Lucifer – since Sam busted him out of jail – and if the angels thought Dean could do it he was damn well going to try. Sam wouldn’t accept that. Prophecy, he said, never led anywhere good. Prophecy was why the yellow-eyed demon killed their mom. Prophecy was why Ruby seduced Sam, lied to him and turned him into a junkie. Why would this prophecy be any different?

Dean pushed the thought out of his mind. He would not have the same fight with Sam. Not again. Not tonight.

“How many times do you think we’ve done this?” Sam asked in a friendlier voice.

“A hundred. Maybe more,” Dean agreed, glad for the change of subject. It was part of being a hunter, this night vigil, waiting outside a stranger’s home because something horrible was going to happen in there. Dean chuckled softly. “I think I was twelve the first time I got to go on stakeout with Dad,” he mentioned.

“Twelve. Where was I?”

“Sound asleep in the back seat, I think.”

“God. We never had a chance, did we?” Sam’s half-chuckle had a familiar, bitter edge.

“Don’t be so hard on Dad,” Dean argued reflexively. “He had his reasons.”

“I know, man. I didn’t mean it that way. It’s just...he had a choice, Dean. He had a choice, and he chose this for us.”

Dean looked at his brother. He wondered what was missing from that sentence. Dad chose this for them...and not Adam? Or was this the same old thing about Sam not getting to make choices for himself? Dean understood Sam’s resentment. He’d felt it himself, about the way they were raised. Dean wanted to believe that if Dad made different choices, he and Sam might have grown up “normal” in Lawrence. Dean would be a firefighter or maybe a mechanic like Dad. Sam would be a lawyer and married by now, probably with a kid on the way... But it was a fantasy. And it was Sam’s determination to control his own destiny that ended with Lucifer rising.

“You never have a choice, Sammy,” Dean said. “Not about the important stuff. You can choose country or classic rock, or what topping to add to your pizza, but – ”

“Speaking of pizza,” Sam interrupted, “did you have to get extra olives on that?”

“Dude, I’m trying to say something here!”

Sam nodded, his expression suddenly serious. “I hear you. You’re right.”

Somewhere, a dog started barking. Both men tensed, Sam’s hand disappearing to his side, letting Dean know he was packing. Dean kept his eyes on the house ahead, his hand on the car door, ready. After a few more seconds, though, the dog quieted. It was just a false alarm. Dean relaxed.

“Uh...Dean,” Sam began.

He sounded nervous. Dean eyed him worriedly. “Yeah?”

“When you said the tape deck is busted, did you mean the radio, too? Or just the tape deck?”

Dean frowned. “Both. Why?”

“If it’s both, I...uh...I think it might be my fault.” Sam looked worried.

Not without reason. Dude, you are evil. Dean spoke slowly, emphasising every word. “What. Exactly. Did you do to my car?”

Sam winced. “You remember the iPod I fitted while you were...downstairs?”

“Yeah. Loaded with girly emo crap.”

“Well, to get it working, I had to mess with the wiring a little. If you just hooked up a new stereo without checking...”

“Dude! That was more than a year ago! Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“It never occurred to me you wouldn’t check the wiring. And you would have given me more shit about it.”

“Damn straight. You were supposed to keep my car runnin’ while I was in Hell, not screw her over! You’re not an electrician.”

“I know my way around a circuit board as well as you do,” Sam said defensively. “Maybe better. Anyway, if that is the problem, I can fix it.”

“Only if you stick around this time.” The words were out before Dean could bite his tongue. Instantly, he wanted to take it back, but it was too late.

Sam stared at him. “Oh. Yeah.” He looked down at his knees, then raised his head and met Dean’s eyes. “Are you still BFF with Castiel?”

Dean frowned. “We’re not BFF. We never were. He’s still around if that’s what you mean.”

“Then I can’t go back with you, Dean. I want to. I could sure use the help. But...” he broke off, running a hand through his hair. “I hate this!” he burst out. “I hate not knowing who to trust.”

“You can trust me,” Dean insisted, stung by the implication.

“Not if you’re...with him,” Sam answered. He stared straight ahead, unable to look at Dean. “I think this must be how Dad felt. I understand him better now, why he wouldn’t tell us anything, why he kept us away from other hunters... Dean, I think I’ve found the answer. And I’m pretty sure the angels will kill me because of what I know.”

“Cas ain’t...”

“You can’t be sure, Dean.” Sam twisted around, looking at Dean finally. “I know how this sounds. I do. And I know I fucked up and you don’t trust me any more.” His eyes were pleading in the darkness.

“What do you want from me?” Dean sighed.

“I want to tell you what I know. I want us to work together to fix what I screwed up. But you’ve got to promise me you won’t let Cas know. Not even a hint.”

Sam was serious. Sam was scared. Sam’s fear, more than anything, reached through to Dean. He took a deep breath. “Sam, you’ve got Cas all wrong – ”

“No!” Sam slammed his hand down on the dash with enough force to make even Dean jump. “No, I haven’t! No matter what he’s done for you, no matter what he’s said, he’s still an angel. They can mind-fuck him whenever they want to. So even if he believes he’s acting on his own, we can’t trust it.”

And I thought Bobby was paranoid. Dude, right now you’re makin’ Dad look trusting. “Sam...”

“Fine. Fine, don’t believe me. Just promise me.”

Dean nodded. “Alright, Sam. Between us.” So you’ll come back.

Sam visibly relaxed. He leaned into the car seat, tilting his head back as he let out a long breath. “Thank you. God...okay.” He took a deep breath again. “I’ve been researching the end-of-days prophecies from every culture I can track down. I found sources I don’t think even Bobby knows about.”

Dean caught himself smiling. I might have known it’d be research. You’re such a geek. “What Bobby don’t know, ain’t worth knowing,” he commented.

“I’m not so sure. Bobby’s sources are mostly Christian or Hebrew – stuff like the Key of Solomon and Revelation. They’re...well, they’re biased sources.”

“Meaning what?”

“Meaning angels wrote most of the old prophecies. The sixty-six seals...they loaded the dice, Dean. Rigged the game. We never had a chance.”

“Sounds like an excuse to me,” Dean snapped, because it did, and because this was starting to feel like the same conversation all over again. There were no excuses, for either of them. This thing started because of Dean, because he broke in Hell. And Sam broke the last seal. They were responsible. So it didn’t matter to Dean if the game was rigged. Castiel said Dean was the only one who could end this thing. So Dean had to do it.

“No. No, it’s not an excuse. I know what I did. But...what if what’s coming is even worse?”

Dean looked at him. “We know it’s worse. Lucifer is gonna bring Hell to Earth.”

“Then why aren’t we already burning?” Sam argued. “He’s been free for long enough. Dean, I...I don’t have proof of everything yet. There are a couple of texts I can’t translate and I haven’t found an expert who’ll talk to me yet. But if I’m right, Lucifer is the last seal in the same way Lilith was. Kill him, the angels win...and everyone else loses.”

Dean shook his head. “No. No way. Cas would have told me.”

“Because he’s been so generous with the information so far?” Sam pointed out.

“So what are you saying? We should leave Lucifer alone to do his thing?” ’Cause that ain’t happening. “Do you know how that sounds, coming from you?”

“I know. But we can still stop it, Dean! I’m sure we can stop it.”

Dean was about ready to kick Sam out of the car. But Sam’s last words made him hesitate. It was what Castiel had said to him from the beginning. You have to stop it. Stop it, not kill him.

The first rays of the dawn sun hit the windows of the house they’d been watching, brightening the Impala with reflected light.

“You didn’t need to stay away for so long,” Dean said. It was as close as he could manage to an apology.

“Yeah, I did,” Sam answered, seeming to understand. “You were all Team Angel and I’m not wrong about them, Dean. They’re the wrong side in this fight.”

“You said you’ve got proof?”

Sam nodded. “Yeah. Back at my motel.”

Dean picked up the empty pizza box and tossed it onto the back seat. He turned the key in the Impala’s ignition, feeling the car vibrate beneath him as the engine rumbled to life. “Then let’s go,” he said. He glanced across to Sam, who was smiling. “And while I check out your proof,” Dean warned, “you’ll damn well fix my car!”

Sam’s tentative smile became a grin.

~ End ~

Note: This was written for apreludetoanend in spn_summergen. The thing about Adam's pregnant girlfriend came from the challenge prompt; I can't take credit for that. She also requested no apocalypse fic, but I couldn't figure out how to write a season 5 fic without it.

Alone is good...right?

2009-09-04T15:11:00Z

I'm officially on my own for the next two nights. Sis, the Useless Boyfriend and Mum have gone to a family event somewhere in the South...I think they said Bournemouth, but I wasn't exactly listening, since I wasn't invited.

Rocky is with a friend of Sis's for the duration, since I refused to stay home if it meant cleaning up after an incontinent dog.

So it's just me and the two little dogs.

The downside is, since I'm dog-sitting I'm effectively housebound for the weekend. No movie, no long chat in Cafe Nero with Mel...*sniff*. But I'm sure I'll find some way to amuse myself.

In other news...there are still two stories outstanding for spn_summergen. I'm not going to delay things any longer, though. The last fics will be posted on Sunday and the masterlist goes up on Monday whether the stragglers are done or not. I want my life back!

One of them I don't expect to come in as I've got no way to contact the person who's meant to be writing it. The other...well...three days ago the author said another 24 hours would do it. At this point scepticism is my default position.

thanatos_kalos will I see you this weekend? (I have chocolate cake.)

Helen

2009-08-25T15:44:13Z

via fluterbev

Our beloved betagoddess lost her battle with cancer this morning. She was a better friend to me than she knew, and I will miss her terribly. But not, I'm sure, as much as her family. My thoughts are with them all.